Who Do You Want to Become? Stop Chasing Goals, Start Building Identity

I have two years in at an enterprise company, a newborn at home, and I just realized something that sounds obvious but changed how I actually work: I was chasing the wrong question.

For months, I'd wake up tired. I'd avoid hard problems. I'd hope someone else on the team would solve it so I wouldn't have to. And every time I did that, I felt this low hum of regret. Not because I failed—because I wasn't becoming who I said I wanted to be.

That's the disconnect nobody talks about.

The Identity Shift

Here's what happened: I stopped asking "What do I want to achieve?" and started asking "Who do I want to become?"

The difference sounds small. It's not.

When I told myself I wanted to learn and grow and share my work, but then escaped every hard problem at work, those things didn't match. There was friction. Regret. Because my actions weren't aligned with my identity—who I actually wanted to be.

So I made a decision: every time a hard problem showed up at work—tight deadline, pressure, something I didn't know—I'd volunteer. I'd research it myself. I'd figure it out instead of staying quiet and hoping someone else handled it.

Not because I suddenly wanted to. But because that's what someone who "learns and grows" actually does.

Commit Imperfectly, Ship Fast

The second piece: stop waiting to be ready.

I was overthinking. Worried every video I made had to be perfect, every code commit had to be flawless. That thinking doesn't ship anything. It just paralyzes you.

So I changed it to: commit something trackable every day. A code change. A video posted. Something that proves I did the work.

Here's why this matters when you're new to a role: each small commit builds self-trust. Your confidence compounds. You start to see yourself as someone who ships, who makes progress, who doesn't wait for perfect. And that becomes real.

The identity forms through action, not intention.

The Grind Part

I won't lie—this is hard. I started listening to Tony Robbins recordings on my three-day commute to work. Thirty to forty-five minutes each way. In the beginning it felt forced. But after weeks of repetition, the concepts actually stuck. They rewired how I thought about tough days.

That's not motivation magic. That's just grinding through something long enough that it becomes part of how you think.

As a new dad with limited time, I could've used that as an excuse. Instead, I used identity as the anchor: your future self matters more than your comfort right now.

Two Things

Figure out who you want to become. Not what you want to achieve. Who. Then align your actions around that identity. Every decision—volunteer for hard work or avoid it?—becomes clearer.
Commit often. Ship imperfectly. Code changes, YouTube videos, Slack messages—something trackable every day. Progress you can see. That builds the self-trust that carries you through the hard parts.

I'm still learning this. But over the past three or four months, the person I am has shifted. Not because I hit some milestone. Because I started acting like who I wanted to become and didn't stop.