I Didn't Even Like Software Engineering — Until I Stopped Forcing It
Two years in, I hated coding. Then I realized my problem wasn't the work—it was chasing someone else's timeline. Here's what changed.
I have two years of experience as a software engineer. I didn't choose this path because I was passionate about it. I chose it for stability—especially now that I'm a dad and need to provide. For most of my first year, I wasn't motivated. I didn't ask questions. I was scared. And honestly? I didn't think I liked it.
Then something shifted. Not overnight. But slowly enough that I didn't realize it was happening until this week.
The GPS Problem
I was comparing myself to everyone else. LinkedIn. Coworkers. People from university. They were all shipping features, learning frameworks, solving hard problems—and doing it faster. I felt behind before I'd even started.
What I missed was that I was following their GPS, not mine.
My actual values—right now, in this season—are stability and balance. Not grinding 80-hour weeks. Not learning five frameworks by next quarter. Not being the smartest person in the room. That clarity changed everything about how I approach work, because suddenly I knew why I was showing up and what I was optimizing for.
When you know what you actually want, you can ignore the noise.
The Avoidance Pattern
Before, when I hit a hard problem—a bug I couldn't debug, a feature that wouldn't work the way I wanted—I'd look for a distraction. Ask someone else. Run away.
I realized that pattern meant I'd never actually learn how to solve things. I'd just become dependent on someone handing me the answer.
Now I sit with the hard problems. Not because I love them. But because I know that reps are the only thing that builds real skill. Every problem I avoid is a problem I'll have to ask for help with next time.
Stop Comparing the Timelines
Here's the thing nobody says out loud: the moment you discover you like something is different for everyone. For me, it wasn't year one. It was around year one-and-a-half, maybe earlier this year.
Other people discovered it in month three. Some took two years. Some are still waiting.
And that's completely fine.
The trap is thinking your timeline should match someone else's. That if you're not feeling it yet, you're broken. That you need to wake up early, solve every problem, read everything, and ask all the questions right now.
You don't. Growth happens at the pace it happens.
The One Win That Matters
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Start comparing yourself to yourself three months ago.
Can you debug something you couldn't before? Have you shipped a feature that works? Do you understand a framework better? That's a win. That's growth.
Make the timeline longer. Stop looking for short-term results. You'll see more problems solved, more CICD pipelines managed, more languages and tools and teams and interactions. It builds slowly. But it builds.
What Actually Helped
I stopped forcing the "passionate engineer" narrative. I gave myself permission to be someone who codes for the paycheck and the stability—and also grew to enjoy solving problems. Those things aren't mutually exclusive.
I audited my real values. Not Instagram's values. Not my manager's values. Mine.
I stopped running from hard things.
I checked in with myself, not LinkedIn.
Two years in, I still wouldn't describe myself as obsessed with software engineering. But I like it now. And that happened not because I tried harder, but because I stopped trying so hard to be someone else.